Hard to believe but August of 2018 is almost over, just seems like yesterday it was just the beginning of 2018 and here we are, going into the back side.
Where does the time go?
Anyways, I went to bed way too early for me last night; 7 pm, I was ready to hit the hay, curl up under my nice soft blanket and off to Dreamland I went.
Bad thing is, when I hit the bed too early from my usual 2 am, I'm up at like 2 am going, WHAT'S ON TV??
Right now, there's nothing on TV as the cable company is trying to push some stuff out to resolve a big issue with their service so here I sit at 4:30 in the morning wanting to watch some cartoons but instead I'm on the lap top wondering if I should write my congressman a letter.
He gets lonely when I don't.
I watched some YouTube which is always fun and giggles.
I like to watch some YouTube drama unfold even when I have no clue who the peeps are involved in the drama.
Me and the dog like to bet on who hits who first and when the ball will drop.
Usually 9 minutes in a 20 minute video!
But that usually only lasts me about 20 minutes before my ADD kicks in and I'm on Blogger in hopes I will be able to write a full length blog in hopes it'll entertain you, the reader, long enough to say, IT WAS WELL WORTH CLICKING THE LINK I FOUND ON YAHOO!!
Actually, Yahoo! is still a thing which is cool.
I like Yahoo!
I use to love their dating ads and every so often, I'd place one just to see what my options were.
Basically KittyLover89 was my best option as she always answered my ads.
I wonder how she is doing nowadays?
So anyways, it's now 4:31 in the morning.
I'm thinking bacon and eggs with toast for breakfast.
August 27th, 2018 - In your closet trying on your socks
MEOW! The Blogging Kitty Vs. Steve Jobs
So anyways, I'm sitting here tonight, the TV is turned off, cause I put my baseball bat through it.
I really shouldn't watch the news.
So I put on YouTube, cause why not?
It's there, it's 10:15 in the evening, the house is quiet, the dog is whining at the door to go out but I ain't got them thumbs like the human has, and he won't be home for another two hours.
He has a date.
He met her on some dating site so yeah, about two hours.
I try to get the dog to settle down.
"Go pee in the human's work shoes!' I hiss.
The dog runs off to do by bidding.
I'm not an evil cat but when I am, I am very evil.
I still have time to amend for my sins before Christmas time.
(IF Santa Claws is reading this, I have been a very good kitty!! Those kids jumped in front of my baseball bat!! Plus humans reproduce like rats, just billions of them in seconds it seems!!!
So I click on the below video, it's one of my favorites, to dance around the room after snorting a ton of kitty nip.
And it hits me, WAS STEVE JOBS REAL??
Seriously, did anyone meet him, face to face, except for some other imaginary people nobody outside of other imaginary people?
And seriously, is this world real?
Can you prove it?
Of course you can't, you're not real either!
You're just the figment of some special needs kid staring into a snow globe. (In case you don't get the reference - there was this show called St. Elsewhere, was popular, and the very last show, the final hurrah, the final scene we get to find out the whole hospital was just some kid with autism staring into a snow globe....see video below!!)
So who is the real winner in this game?
You, sitting there, not even real, cruising the Internet looking for stuff, wondering what you'll have for lunch tomorrow?
Me, a blogging kitty, sitting here, drinking my wine, smoking my cigar, blogging about you and Steve Jobs not being real?
Or maybe them politicians up on The Hill masturbating to bills that only they seem to understand but really don't?
I guess we'll never know!
Good night and have a better tomorrow, the human is home!!
So today, the dog decided we needed to talk about "The living situation" (I let him live and he gives me part of his treats, okay, all of his treats.)
"You don't treat me very nice!" he barked and howl.
I shrugged.
I thought I had been treating the dog pretty well; I let him continue breathing and I never touched his doggy chow.
That stuff was nasty.
But nope, there we were, out on the side yard, talking about his feelings.
Who even knew dogs had feelings?
"I want at least one good boy from you per week!!"
"EVERY WEEK!!!????" I hissed.
I'd rather go to the vet for a flea check.
But I agreed, it was either that or give him scritches behind the ears which would ruin my image in the neighborhood and besides, I still get his treats!
I'd had enough cat nip to supply the Nigerian army if they had an army of cats.
And the day wasn't even half over.
My human, a lazy cat snuggler from the early days of cat snuggling, had bought enough alcohol to kill two mooses if mooses drank alcohol, which they did.
"Kitty wanna go on a road trip!" he smiled.
I didn't like the smile and this usually meant a trip to the vet but I was already tripping on the good stuff from PetSmart so I nodded which was the Internation sign as for me to say, "Lets do this shit mister!"
So there we were, I, your friendly blogging cat, high on catnip from Peru and my human, who we will from this day forward call Maxx, drunk on wine from Paris (Texas to be exact!), just driving down the highway and the exact speed of 55 miles per hour, all the while the dog was back home taking a bath in his own drool!
The road sign read "Pass on the left" as we continued down the road, mile marker clicking by as we had no destination in mind, the radio playing nothing but dead air.
This was the life, the free life, and there on the right was the place we needed.
"Restrooms available"
After a few jiggles and squats and burials, we were back on the road, high life and fancy free, it was about this time that I took another hit of catnip, the bright lights and love came flowing back and I purred for what seemed like forever.
It was a good day to be a cat.
Or a human as he was feeling no pain as well.
1994 turned into 2018 then quicky into 3049 as we continued to drive till the gas ran out and we both passed out on the side of the road to be awoken at 3:45 in the morning by a passing high way patrol officer who said his name was Steve.
We were told there was a gas station about a half mile that way and to be careful next time.
We agreed and after a nice little walk, we had enough gas to get ourselves back home and into our nice warm beds.
THE BLOGGING KITTY RUNS FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
MEOW!!!!!!!
Hello and salutations to my fellow Americans!!!
I have decided to throw in my paw to run for President of the United States of America and you, my readers, are the 1st to read this historic announcements.
Back when I was a young kitty and in school, my teacher, Ms. Wang, asked us to tell the class what we wanted to be when we grew up.
"I want to be the President of the United States of America!" I replied proudly.
"You? You can't be President!!!!!" she scoffed, trying to crash my hopes.
"Why not?"
"Well you have to be smart, have good grades, be able to lead people, but also listen and above all else, not kill people when their food bowl runs low!!"
Well, she had me at the food bowl.
But then 2016 election hit the big top and our current President; Donald Trump; was elected and he proved to the world:
ANY ONE COULD BE PRESIDENT!!!!!
So here I am, throwing my hat into the ring, before the bulldog and gold fish decide to do the same.
My promises to you are, if I'm elected President, EVERYONE GETS A PONY!!!!!! And fifty bucks in Green Stamps.
The rest I guess will just fall into place once I'm in office.
All I can promise is NO BULLDOGS or GOLD FISHES will be allowed to be head of the EPA!!! (Unlike Donald Trump!!!!)
Good night and have a better tomorrow!!
And remember ---- #BloggingKitty2020!!!!! Tweet the hell outta that!!!
